Carrie Rong

the world seems understandable in flashes. i've earned my way to this point. i can feel my body and my story, particularly dark at times. i cannot go chasing the way i want things to be. instead, they will have to come to me. it is the fact that i cannot…

i am hiding in the past because no one looks here. my eyes watch the skaters go by, on ice that looks like water. what a joy to participate in this party with a body, even a ruined one. i dig in the wrong places, but at least i try everywhere. who am i to…

the bottom of my toes seize up to know of you. blind, when i release. you are left when everything else is subtracted. you find the bottom, and i would've prayed for no less than this day i know the deepest of you, without seeing. love reminds us what is…

i have started eating things with a full mouth again. i want to love you, of course, but i’m afraid. i am scared you would leave. i like living this life, full of the things i love. i like to experience different experiences, even if they are pleasant and…

i smell blood, my blood. my mother is at my temples, my blood on her hands you cannot change her you must find a way to love her

my mother has come leaps and bounds but is still like her mother. i have come leaps and bounds and am still like my mother. i hold her and myself to a standard of perfection that will never be attained. but by many standards her and i have come very far a…

i have a death wish. i like to self sabotage: when the toxicity rises, i dangle myself above the pot, and refuse to pull back. i am a pile of jenga blocks, each unable to move. i am tied up. i am limp. i hate myself for doing this. i hate that i hate myse…

we drove up central street. it was almost midnight and we were still stuck in traffic when the fireworks started to go off. my brother pulled into an alley, where we had a clear view across the field. a lady shouted at us that we were blocking someone's g…

i am lost. i really am lost, please believe me. i am lost and i dont know where to go. i am lost and i dont know what to do anything for. i am lost and i dont need anything anymore. i am lost and i dont want anything, i am lost and i am far away from even…

in ninth grade is when i get chosen. the band teacher recognizes me and pulls me out to join the senior ensemble. i have to commute early to school an extra day. my father drops me off in his pajamas and i lug my odd-shaped instrument to the band room, wh…