blu’s blog

wish i was good enough

the moment i feel your whisper in my ear i put my headphones on turn up my music loud just enough for my ears to bleed. i wake up with an ache your voice right beside me i stare at my headphones on my nightstand and don't even bother. i carry you on my ba…

i'm like the biggest hypocrite it's almost laughable. my mom texted me earlier. she's with my dad and they're in the city and she offers to drop off some fast food. and i tell her, no thanks i'm trying to eat better. wishful thinking is funny. an hour aft…

my therapist got sick so i wasn't able to have therapy today. bummer. i had a terrible week. i don't think it's just me. i feel like all of my friends are feeling it too. i don't know what to do with myself. i don't like the feeling of giving up, but i do…

im supposed to be better but im not. im stuck. not terribly in the pit. but i dont feel well. i dont feel great. not anymore. maybe im predestined to be depressed. i wish i could stop thinking about it. im supposed to be the one haunting you. not the other

for the longest time, i wanted my journal entries to be poetic, but they just end up being whiny. but that's okay. i'm gonna stop trying so hard and just be myself. anyway, this week has been a little difficult, if i'm being honest. i'm struggling a bit w…

i started taking prozac a month ago and it genuinely saved me. this is the best thing i've ever done. i'm so serious. 95% of the time i don't want to kill myself anymore. i don't go insane over tiny inconveniences. i'm not a bitch anymore. of course, it d…

the title is kinda lie, but not really. i had a few drinks (like, 5 shots of wine?

trust the process, they say. im trying. but it's testing my patience, and i've only just begun. i don't want to be bothered. don't fucking look or perceive me. this isn't the body i want. this isn't how i want to look. just give me time, please. will i ev…

im so scared of my 20s. im 19 and im so miserable with myself. i know i need to change but its so fucking hard. lord knows ive tried. im still trying but i dont see the point of any of this. change takes time but why do i hate the process. no matter what i