Thinking Comes Later

Charlie Kirk’s superpower was bringing people together.

“I’m not a Republican.

When I was a kid, I typed so slowly that it freaked people out.

They came from all around the country, a horde of angry agitators determined to stop votes from being counted.

“Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing — absolutely nothing — half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.

If you know me at all, or if you remember any of the things I wrote back when I did this more frequently, you will know I’m no great fan of Donald Trump.

I was on my way to a friend’s birthday party when I realized that I hadn’t even thought to get her a gift.

In the movie They Live, this guy played by pro wrestler “Rowdy” Roddy Piper finds a box full of sunglasses which reveal to the wearer that ghoulish monsters walk among us in disguise, occupying the upper echelons of society, spread throughout every corner…

My OKCupid profile is older than all of my friends’ children.

On a Friday night I called an UberPool to take me over the hill to West Hollywood.

Even after winning the popular vote but losing the Electoral College twice in the past sixteen years, a recent survey shows that an overwhelming majority of Republican voters still favor the antiquated system by which the United States elects its presiden…

What it’s like for me right now is, I feel like I’m back in high school and I just found out that the kid who calls me a fag every day in the locker room is the new principal.

I’ve never been able to get into The West Wing because I feel like every episode is just a collection of monologues about why liberals are awesome and right about everything.

That’s so cool – I’m a writer too!

Olenka, who drove me to Van Nuys in a Prius, was one of the few female Uber drivers I’ve had so far - a middle-aged woman whose name and accent suggested that she’d spent her formative years someplace in Eastern Europe.

Recently I’ve discovered that every month for the past few months I’ve been spending a couple hundred dollars more than I’m earning.

I think the best thing we can say about Britain leaving the European Union is that it just might be the event that finally kills that idiotic saying, “If voting actually changed anything, they’d make it illegal.”

I hit a pretty deep low point in my life on April 30th.

HELLO FELLOW PATRIOT’S!

In the past couple of weeks, Donald Trump has suggested that as president he’d close down mosques and create a national database to track Muslims.