Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page

Pnårp ushered in the new year with a snap, a terror, a Chloë, a forehead, a footstool, a thou, a zebra tweezer, a pope, a fridge, a blonde huzzey-muffet, a measle, a fruitcake, and pancakes.

Pnårp nearly froze to death, watched Santa Claus fall from the sky, called everyone Sleestaks, and became 0.043 thous shorter this week.

Pnårp found himself confused and angered by toppings on the bottom of his pizza, inside-out bread, and false toadflax with orange drupes.

A man on stilts, dressed as Uncle Sam, nearly nine feet tall, loomed over Pnårp.

Pnårp reminisced about Christmas, helped another crazy person, ran out of paper towels, and lost all his underwear.

Pnårp caught, stuffed, and cooked a big frozen bird this week—and found another use for all those barrels of bacon grease!

Pnårp has been called many things in his life, but this week, one thing was repeated over and over.

Pnårp’s campaign for a ficus tree for Congress this year ended abruptly in a swamp.

Pnårp celebrated the Sefernday with his usual sefernial, Seferndaisical screechifying and babblifying!

This week, Pnårp laughed at a distraught draught horse, unbolted his toilet from the floor, and ate a squirrel nest!

As chromomorphosis continued unabated, Pnårp bent one too many spoons, then just dove in snout-first!

This week, Pnårp picked up some dead, moldy leaves and ate them—as dendrosomnia set in across the land.

This week, Pnårp turned the most banal morning routine into a gripping tale of an amazing invention that will change the breakfasting world!

Pnårp’s flabbergastation encountered smelt, smelting, and smells this week heretofore incomprehensible.

Cast adrift in a vast sea of glossolalia, Pnårp continued to haunt his favorite eldritch automat this week!

Becasue he always does, Pnårp made an awful lot of mistakes this week!

This week, Pnårp was informed of this fact of “life,” and then made a stunning revelation about “death” himself!

History looked at Pnårp this week and said, “This man is a fool.”

Pnårp received an inheritance from his long-dead brother Grårp this week!

On any given day this week—on every given day this week—something amusing happened!

Pnårp munched numbers, watched time tear and bend, then fled an oversized, overflowing commode this week!

Alligators, crocodiles, and aye-ayes, oh my!

Properly reconstructing a single bagel from the two halves, a veritable IQ test, proved to be impossible for Pnårp this week.

Phase-shifting, transdimensional house ants ate all the rubberized cheese this week, then a hemiekton of horse mucus followed.

Pnårp didn’t tuck in the flap to close, watched his sod roll off, and ended up with all his tortellini untwisted!

Gnocco after gnocco bubbled and were eaten—cheese was grateful—and then there was a raccoon.

Pnårp ended his journey down a long, greasy road today—finally completing his entirely pepperoni-based diet after 161 days!

Pnårp spent some time as a rotating polyhedron this week, squeezed some cheese, then realized his laundry was gone—forever.

Pnårp fought the Sneŗtman in a grudge match not seen since Benjamin the Nettin’ Yahoo took on the Punchin’ Llama in 1987!

Pnårp sneezed, harrumphed, scribbled, smarmed, shriveled, bubbled, and yelped this week.

Pnårp recounted an epic tail of gnomeslaying at the local automat, bolstered by tmesis and hounded by emesis.

Pnårp dealt curtly with Barold this week—or was it Bawrence?

Pnårp dealt with a daunting problem this week involving an eighty-digit number (and hamsters)!

Pnårp dealt with a nameless calm this week, moobled wobbly and plopped, then realized his house has lots of windows!

Pnårp dealt with unpaired ice cubes, ominous capybaras, and the fallout from his omnipepperonial diet this week!

Pnårp survived an encounter with a stubborn bottle of cream and realized that pepperoni is all around us—if you just know where to look!

Pnårp realized too late that this week was missing many of its letters and even an entire day!

Pnårp realized too late that this week went on for eleven longg, longg days!

As he is wont to do, Pnårp went wantoning around town this week, looking for his lost carton of wontons!

Pnårp discovered this week was nine days long and ran backwards—until the guardsquirrels bonked him over the head for being such a buttocks.

Pnårp recounted the colorful tale of his 2014–2021 employment as a chair warmer, a stonk trader, a crypto bubbler, a dormfuddie launderer, and finally a kookely-wanger slanger.

Pnårp attempted a nostalgic romp through the best days of his life but was then called upon to save thousands of squirrels from a gnomely fate!

Pnårp reminisced about a hilarious pair of ducks, then bought a new pair—but didn’t turn into a cat this week!

Pnårp remembered his blog is 23 years old, defeated a giant mutant brain, and then met a shiny fate.

Pnårp witnessed this week what happens when defecating hamsters meet Himalayan Varnishing Gnomes!

Pnårp wove a complex tapestry of nuttery this week—a stupefying mess of verbiage in blog form!

Pnårp’s fate this week was sealed: Hopeless, hapless, and eventually skinless, he was swarmed by hideous, unending, three-eyed gnomes.

Pnårp replaced his tiny firestarters with tiny carpenters, then fell into a pepperoni-induced stupor.

This week Pnårp developed a highly intricate plan to determine his new, new neighbor’s true name!

Pnårp found his bowl of avocados fruitless, realized stones are really soft not hard, and then things got interesting!