Vermin of the Internet

Or How to Earn Money Selling Guides About Earning Money Selling Guides Classification: Advice Merchant / Digital Product Fabricator / Pinterest Evangelist Habitat: Medium.com, Gumroad storefronts, Pinterest boards about Pinterest strategy, the specific co…

Or How to Solve Writing By Removing the Word "Delve" SPECIMEN #020: Promptus optimus Classification: Productivity Guru / Workflow Evangelist / Reformed Mediocre Writer Habitat: Medium.com, LinkedIn carousel posts, YouTube thumbnails featuring shocked faces

Classification: Transdermal Optimist / Nano-Needle Evangelist / Testimonial Fabricator Habitat: Facebook ads, Instagram stories, TikTok wellness influencers, landing pages with countdown timers and "Only 200 left today" banners, Shenzhen industrial zones…

SPECIMEN #018: Aggregatus immortalis Classification: Device Grifter / Synergy Merchant / Longevity Aggregator Habitat: High-end wellness clinics, glass-fronted rooms containing a single expensive object, brochures printed on very thick paper, and the Goop…

SPECIMEN #000: Custos corruptus (The Corrupt Guardian: How the World's Largest Social Network Profits from the Grifts It Claims to Police) Classification: Attention Merchant / Grift Enabler / Performative Regulator Habitat: Global, with particular density…

SPECIMEN #017: Affiliatus kajibius The Platform Prophet: Or How to Earn $148,754 by Teaching Others to Earn $148,754 Using the Same Tool You Are Promoting Classification: Residual Income Evangelist / Screenshot Optimist / Meta-Grift Practitioner Habitat:…

SPECIMEN #016: Suggestio luminosa auricularis The Enlightened Headset Classification: Cognitive Grifter / Neuro-Optimisation Device / Audio-Visual Shaman Habitat: App stores, wellness newsletters, bedrooms containing a charging cable and steadily diminish…

SPECIMEN #015: Affiliatus miraculus Or How to Earn $10,000 a Month by Writing About Earning $10,000 a Month Classification: Online Income Evangelist / Spreadsheet Optimist / Selective Realist Habitat: Medium.com, YouTube passive income channels, Twitter t…

SPECIMEN #014: Cervicus resetticus (The Vagus Nerve Whisperer: Or How to Sell Someone a Heated Collar for €69.95) Classification: Nerve Grifter / Cervical Reset Merchant / Parasympathetic Profiteer Habitat: Shopify storefronts with countdown timers, Insta…

Classification: Ancient Wisdom Merchant / Tuber Mystic / Selective Historian Habitat: Goop-adjacent newsletters, "conscious nutrition" Instagram accounts, wellness retreats where the food is both sacred and the portions extremely small Diet: Longevity anx…