Gender, Mental Health and other ramblings

Before reading this please know I'm fine, I just need to have my lil vent.

This is not a post about gradually falling into an eating disorder without realizing what was happening I knew what I was doing A few weeks ago I spent several days hating how I looked and decided I needed to do something about it.

I wrote before about a sliver of gender euphoria I experienced.

Content warning: Major spoilers for First, Do No Harm.

I've felt like shit for the past ~12 months and not always for the same reason I've had periods of time in my past where I felt terrible but never for this long and never where I've been left feeling like I've tried everything I can and given up I'm just…

Spoiler warning for the end of The Amazing Digital Circus Jax spends most of The Amazing Digital Circus acting like sincerity is beneath her She mocks people for caring, makes jokes when something is serious and tries to minimise anything honest that slips

One of my friends led me by the hand through the crowd That sounds like an insignificant detail but it really wasn't It was Nightmass at Dark Mofo and I was there with two friends (S and F) who are married to each other Dark Mofo is a winter arts and music

I was crying in the operating room before the surgery started Not because I thought I was going to die Not because the procedure was especially dangerous Not because the staff were cruel to me I was crying because I was lying there in a hospital gown while

I don't even know how to describe my feelings over the last few days Pain feels close, it's unambiguously bad while still describe a clear objective feeling but whatever I'm feeling isn't physical I want to scream and shout but my stupid ugly moth brain w…

This is not a clean argument about sex It is more a record of the different ways sex has impacted my life and my life has impacted sex Sex work.