swanchime

I think we all have diff ways of reconciling with the wretchedness of the world And I'm the kind of shameless egoist that thinks there should be a balance between respecting yourself and not yielding when others want to silence & deny ur victimization WIT…

last time I read it I had to stop when caocao brought up the ethical dilemma of "(when) is a preemptive strike for the sake of self-defense ethically justifiable in a situation that has evolved into kill or be killed: either I die or you die" like is a PR…

SUICIDE KINGS is my memoir. it "remembers" people I knew and loved. even the relatively grand scope of this project is still too narrow to capture everyone. but it pinches the thin milk film that coalesced on top

ISSUE 1 ISSUE 1: Kusuriuri gets to know his new shinigami partner for the job, Spitfire, but they both hoard more secrets than they can say, and a vague air of distrust simmers between them.

the usage of the bay window as pov transition is so cinematic like a curtain change and it also like really illuminates the mixing of reality and illustration as magic and the traumatic narrative allegory using magical elements to veil the truth the illus…

I think we should treat all living things animals and children and human beings with dignity and respect but strangely enough...

there is hope and ingenuity and it spans the entire globe in every country on earth that ever is or was and even when the despair of modern apathy threatens to entomb you in your own disgrace... it is not everything. it is true there is an immensity of Ex…

I want to kill myself and I want to pretend that it matters and I know it doesn't and every day I get a little closer and wonder how can that be when I'm standing still?

i don't think that's something to envy

there's one speaker, se-bin, who isn't perfectly bilingual and is a Korean "American" (fantasy analogue) English native and makes what are deliberate moves on my part Japanese / English mistranslations the proper kanji for koroshiya is 殺し屋 which emphasizes

a day can go "perfectly" like still water with no interruption. and by the end of it, I'll still want to die. at this point it isn't even a matter of something going wrong. but all that went wrong before. and so pitifully little to "stay" for.

KUSURIURI NO SHOUKAI kusuriuri is a very "cool" type, very unbothered and apathetic seeming, but has a really fiery and deeply intense, passionate heart. loves and loves deeply, and loves more broadly and is loyal to more people than one might think or be…

violence isn't the only truth, but to deny violence as a human power is to dehumanize those who have committed violence and deny your own human complicity and capacity to enact violence & humanity may be defined not by its virtue but by the violence done…

IV: the one thing that isn't said but is extremely implied is that spitfire used to be an alcoholic and he has OCD the robitussin is cough syrup and that image specifically I had to dig for bc it's the branding from 20-25 years ago ME: the cough syrup and…

in this scene, they're literally talking abt KILLING HIM (se-bin) they're talking about killing. even if it's inexplicit, even if you aren't thinking at all... can't you feel Smth from the tiny colors in a bleak and desolate black and white world someone…

kanji research you can use 霊 (as in 呪霊 (JUREI; curse spirit) or 怨霊 (ONRYOU; vengeful ghost)) for 魂 (TAMASHII, where 霊 is also read TAMASHII) meaning soul 霊 can also be read as TAMA which will also use bc 玉 (TAMA) can be used to refer to jewels or pearls it

shinigami "exorcise/purify" (祓う) marks (的[テキ] (TEKI; mark, target) / 敵 (TEKI; enemy) which are either believed to be "enemies" like it is your life's purpose to despise or harm these marks or "aims" like it is just your mission objective from the higher-u…

"The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity."

if spitfire had the option to get momo extracted from him, he would choose to keep it out of being completely afraid of being abandoned by it / being alone it causes him a lot of trouble when it wilfully disregards his entire Situation especially socially…

an ichimen is like someone with a hidden side, but that hidden side is integrated into the first ego where it's just like "a side you don't usually see" of the same person, like the phrase "someone's dark side" but they're still the same singular person j…

the traumatic allegory is so complex but atst it exposes more abt the true nature of such things by reframing them in completely unstigmatized neutral terms yet it also springboards off of a genuine horror history where such human beings become living gho…

there's a relatively high incidence of (憑依; HYOUI) spirit possession among shinigami. it's not uncommon, to the point where there's a names for it: (両面; RYOMEN) , meaning two faced, and (一面; ICHIMEN) meaning single faced. spitfire and kusuriuri are the on…

I think people should be generous about others... and kind and compassionate. not quick to judge from a point of superiority... to put others down to place themselves higher...

a friend said, "There's that Paulo Freire quote 'Quando a educação não é libertadora, o sonho do oprimido é ser o opressor' , [“When education is not about liberation, the dream of the oppressed is becoming the oppressor.”] but I think it's less true that…

is it possible to create a society that fails no one?

zhuge liang is a kingmaker, but zhou yu has the temperament of a king. and not just a king, but a good one.

zhuge liang was abandoned by his parents soon after she was born with the thought of "we can just have another one, something is horribly wrong with this one" because she was a genius upon birth, and there's nothing quite so frightening as a newborn infan…

zhou yu here looks like lun kochouran

thinking about what one person said was common about CLAMP characters, and it's that they all have "a wish" and I think that's a really interesting way to think about character drive/motivations.

zhuge liang is obsessed with zhou yu who is the axis upon which every decision is determined and upon whom the world spins and takes shape. everything else may be uncertain, unclear, or abysmal, but zhou yu is for sure. zhou yu is zhuge liang's anchor to…

in the original 3 kingdoms, zhuge liang and zhou yu serve different masters (the one quote about "a wise bird chooses its branch; a wise servant chooses their lord"). i think the same will apply to my vn version but the "masters" are faceless and archetyp…

I think I only endured my current ex for so long as some kind of unconscious poor substitution / severe penance to make up the scales in my (amnesia'd) heart about/for Emily I miss Emily so much... the feeling I had for her was too strong to be liking or…

one huge component of the way i'm currently designing my zhuge liang x zhou yu visual novel is emulating the insularity and repetition of obsession. it opens with a sequence of the two characters talking to each other with no specific time or setting mark…

sketchbook edition of a casual essay from discord DMs I think a lot of Asian conformist culture is about not making ripples that disrupt group harmony, prioritizing the wellbeing of the group (as an extension of the way within a family a member is taught…

GOJO: It takes a curse to defeat a curse.