kivikakk.ee

I've barely touched Elixir before.

Have it your way.

It's always your birthday!

An unsystematic collection of thoughts while adopting Nix.

Wherein the author perceives time in multiple lights, simultaneously, and logic does too, but, uh, differently.

A fairly detailed guide on building and installing a gateware toolchain in a self-contained and repeatable way.

Two weeks gets incremental improvements.

Not much to report lately.

Today’s been hard.

I’ve not known myself to be the kind of person to crave submissive humiliation or punishment.

flashes: end Quoting “(un)monitored”: I have no idea if anyone reads this.

For the third time in ten days, C has come over.

I really do struggle to maintain a positive connection with people who seem to idle as their default.

Exhausted by Comirnaty #2, I’m on the couch in the living room today as N works at the desk nearby.

Words fail to capture how delighted I was to receive a letter today.

We were visited by C again!

Someone who wants to take me out of sheer lust.

Well.

Body’s in struggletown.

It’s time to put some stuff right out there.

My head is still swimming in endorphins, an hour later.

There’s a peculiar duality afforded by a gemlog — especially one I don’t host.

That germinated!

Hope doesn’t feel like it exists within my phenomenological horizon any more.

That’s it!

triad feels are so strong. what is it about them?

Not feeling it lately.

A charged dream of Dragon.

ダメかな？

Went to high tea for our anniversary (both quite “in role”, too), spent both days of the weekend just lying on the grass in a park reading phenomenology — a rare weekend of sunny days — and today, a first dose of BNT162b2.

Feeling a bit angry today.

There’s a curious detachment that arises out of this experience.

From the inscrutability of dreams to that of a Master or Mistress, huh?

All I wanted was to be someone’s property.

While doing our grocery shopping for the week, Mistress picked some recipes rather arbitrarily.

I’m finding, more and more, that I discover things about myself in the process of serialising my consciousness into words.

Seneschal.

Motivations for Service Why bother to serve?

My god, progesterone turns me into such a bitch.

I was away, in my own head.

Geez.

I am not sure I have experienced submissive humiliation.

I’ve always wanted to be kept.

For me, the pleasure comes out of being obedient, and doing it really well; being used for others’ pleasure, and putting in a lot of effort.

“finding your submissive self” by shae hits so hard it hurts.

I suspect the answer is “submission”, “submissiveness”, or even “being a submissive”—not just an occasional partaker of, but as core.

We waver—between passivity and anger, steeped rich in disappointment; between a resignation blended with hope that this could be enough, and a rejection, filled with the knowledge that we are worth more than this.

MAX 300 was the first1 level 10 song I cleared at the arcade.

I’m fucking sick of feeling like I’m talking past everyone; like none of my words actually register.