1000 Awesome Things

Walk into a grocery store and you’re surrounded by freshly misted lettuce, bubbling lobster tanks, and hot croissants rolling out of the oven.

Peel back that mildewy curtain and let’s get down to business.

Sorry, you need my email address?

Because at that moment you go from a greasy slack-jawed popcorn-kernel-n-sweatpants covered couch potato to a fast-talking screenwriter with sharp eyes, a whizzing mind, and a backup second career.

Diced tomatoes?

Okay, you know how good it feels when you peel your socks off at the end of the day?

If your bad back, busted ankle, or bum knee is keeping you off the courts, then get ready to lean back in your desk chair and reminisce about the game you loved… Just crumple that hot inky sheet yanked from the photocopier’s paper-jammed bowels, swivel yo…

Peek outside on a snowy afternoon and the world moves in slow motion.

Feel that fuzz.

Once again your room is at the top of its game.

Everyone’s mom’s are a little bit different.

If your friend’s paying for lunch and you accidentally make eye contact with the shiny, mullet-draped face staring at you from her wallet, then it’s time to laugh and peel out your pimply, glasses-covered driver’s license photo as payment.

Cruising home from a friend’s place, driving the kids to school, rolling home on the highway, you smile softly and focus on the road as your head bops to the stereo.

Once upon a time my friend Chad went to college.

Because you feel like you own the place.

Cruising cops cause traffic stops.

Nobody’s gonna tell you you stink.

You are charged with one count of checking yourself out in the mirror, two counts of irresponsible couch usage, four counts of shower-to-bedroom carpet drippage, and seventeen counts of temporary nudity of the first degree.

Because anything could happen.

That was a tough one.

It’s a big deal.

Suddenly you’re a VIP.

Good grass is hard to find.