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  1. Movies have led me to believe…

    All old buildings are home to trained flocks of choreographed, jump-scare pigeons in the dust-laden rafters.

  2. If zodiac signs were apps

    Aries: ESPN Taurus: Zillow Gemini: Trivago Cancer: Day One Journal Leo: TMZ Virgo: Excel Libra: SHEIN Scorpio: mSpy Sagittarius: FanDuel Casino Capricorn: Empower Aquarius: Khan Academy Pisces: Headspace

  3. I’ll take Reykjavik

    Missing the thrill of being stuck in a passenger seat for hours, stowing your tray, or closing the window shade on your flight?

  4. A Monkey Won’t Give Two Shits in a Barrel

    I like to make up fake clichéd phrases that sound like something an old man would say (now that I am one).

  5. WKRP today?

    This is super fun.

  6. Free idea

    Why hasn’t any razor company had the common sense to call their product Occam’s Razors?

  7. LIGHTNING: The occurrence of a natural electrical discharge of very short duration and high voltage between a cloud and the ground or within a cloud, accompanied by a bright flash and typically also thunder.

  8. “I have encountered a succubus,” Sir John said

  9. That Dirty Hill guy

    [ picking up my lunch ] CLERK: ZZ Top.

  10. Manifest this

  11. Like one does

    You know when you wake up from a dream that you were assisting Robert Smith solve a cold case that it will be an interesting day.

  12. New Year, New Pronouns

    According to my daughters, my pronouns are Bruh / Dude / and Hey!

  13. Hurricane Categories Explained

    Hurricane strength levels are based on the amount of damage they cause.

  14. Available Everywhere August 5th Longtime readers will know that I had been working on a tarot deck and writing a book for the past two years, which is why I haven’t been posting much anymore.

  15. Chickens are metal

    I just had a “Snap Meal” from Imperfect Foods.